


There's Safety In Numbers

by ithilien22



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood Friendship, Clizzy (mentioned), F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 13:37:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8754013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithilien22/pseuds/ithilien22
Summary: When Clary realizes what she's feeling, there's only one person she wants to talk to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I read the spoiler about someone else coming out in Season 2 and this just immediately came spewing out, idk. I just want sapphic!Clary so so badly.

"What are you doing in my room?"

Alec's voice startles her, and Clary jumps guiltily at his tone even though she hasn't actually done anything. After a beat, she turns around to find him standing just inside the doorway, arms crossed and eyebrow slightly raised.

She puts down the book she had picked up idly as she waited, and bites down a sarcastic reply to Alec's question. There's always been something about Alec that seems to bring out that side of her.

"I wanted to talk to you," she tells him. His eyebrows knit slightly in confusion, but nothing else changes in his stance or demeanor.

"About the mission?" he asks.

Clary rolls her eyes before she can stop herself.

"No, not about the mission," she responds with a sigh. "Is it really that difficult for you to stop being judgey and uptight for like two seconds and just talk to me like a human being?"

If anything, Alec's posture just becomes more tense. Clary curses internally and quickly moves to hold her hands out in a gesture of apology.

"Sorry, that's not- I swear I didn't actually come here just to yell at you," she says, somewhat sheepishly. "I just. Can we talk?"

Alec seems to consider her for a moment before slowly unfolding his arms and gesturing at the lone armchair next to the bookcase Clary had been perusing before he arrived. As Clary moves to take a seat, she hears the door click closed quietly before Alec joins her, perched on the edge of the bed.

"Okay," he says, voice measured and shoulders straight. "What's going on?"

Clary hesitates, picking at a lose thread on the arm of the chair. She's having trouble remembering why she thought this was a good idea.

"You said you wanted to talk," Alec prompts after a moment passes, none too gently.

"I know, sorry," Clary sighs. She blows a stray curl out of her eyes as she looks back up at Alec. She actually knows perfectly well why she wanted to talk to him. He'll understand, she thinks.

She hopes.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you after the memory demon," she blurts out. It's not what she means to say, but actually, it's as good a place to start as any. "I shouldn't have thrown your feelings in your face like that. I knew it was a big deal for you, I just. I was so worried about my mom, and I felt like you were keeping me from helping her. I didn't want to have to empathize with you."

Alec's face does something complicated as he listens to Clary say her piece. He crosses his arms again.

"Whatever," he says, uncomfortably. "It's forgotten."

"No, I mean it, Alec. I'm sorry," she repeats.

"That was months ago," Alec reminds her. He sounds almost frustrated. "Why are you bringing this up now?"

"I don't have anyone else to talk to about this," she says softly, knowing she's not making an sense. She looks away from him in embarrassment. "I know I'm not your favorite person, but I. Well. And I _am_ sorry, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to start there-"

"Clary," Alec's voice cuts through her rambling and she looks back up to see that he's holding his hands out in front of him now, leaning forward slightly. "What's going on?"

It's the same question he asked earlier, but his tone is marginally gentler now. It's subtle, but Clary can hear the difference.

"I think I'm gay," she blurts out and then immediately covers her face in mortification. "Oh God."

"You- what?"

Alec sounds thoroughly bewildered. Clary peeks out from behind her hands to see that his brows are furrowed to an almost comical degree.

"I don't know what happened," she tells him, deciding she may as well steamroll ahead now that it's out. "I hadn't even really considered it before, you know? I thought I just hadn't met the right guy, or that maybe I just wasn't wired for relationships. And then Jace happened and I thought I... but then it got so confusing-"

She shakes her head and chances another glance at Alec. His expression has softened slightly into something almost like concern. But not quite.

"Sorry," she says for what feels like the hundredth time. "I know I have no right to dump this on you. We're not even really friends-"

"When I was ten," Alec interrupts her again, his voice steady and somehow soothing. "I took mundane kendo classes once a week. There weren't really any other children in the institute, so my mother thought it would be good for me to train with kids my own age, even if they were mundanes."

Clary doesn't know if Alec's story has any real purpose other than to shut her up, but it's definitely working on at least that front. She doesn't know if she's ever heard Alec say so many words in a row. On purpose. To _her_.

"I was good, but I wasn't the best," Alec continues, a small rueful smile starting to play at the corner of his mouth. "There was this kid, Preston, who always kicked my ass. And he would always smile afterwards, you know? Try to help me up off the mat. Say things like, 'good job, you almost had me that time,' and stuff like that."

Alec's looking at Clary as he tells his story, but she wonders if he actually sees her. His eyes look far away.

"One night, I had a dream," he says, "that Preston helped me up off the mat and then didn't let go of my hand. He used it to pull me out of the classroom, out of the studio even. He said he knew of an ice cream shop down the street and did I want to come with him?"

"What happened?" Clary asks when the pause in Alec's story draws out. She still doesn't know where he's going with any of this, but she's finds herself riveted regardless.

Alec looks at her strangely, like she's asked a particularly obvious or stupid question.

"I woke up," he says finally. "And the next day I broke Preston's nose."

"You broke his nose?" Clary repeats. She feels like she missed the thread of this conversation somewhere along the way.

"I've never been very good at... you know. Feelings," Alec tells her as Clary continues to stare at him blankly. Then suddenly - _oh_.

Something inside of Clary loosens.

"I thought I was," she confesses back, drawing her knees up into the chair as she talks, "but then lately, I just. Like, the other day- Izzy and I were getting ready before a mission and it was the same routine we'd done a hundred times, but. I said something to make her laugh and when I looked over at her, she was just. Her head was thrown back she was laughing so hard and it felt like, like looking at pure sunlight, I-"

Clary pauses, looking back up at Alec.

"Am I making any sense?"

"I used to think that it was all... irrelevant. Just distractions," Alec says, in lieu of an answer. "But things have been different since-"

He cuts himself off, shaking his head slightly, but Clary already knows what he means.

"Since Magnus," she finishes, and she's rewarded with a small tentative smile from Alec.

"Yeah," he admits softly. "Since Magnus."

They sit in silence for a moment, but it doesn't feel tense. In fact, Clary feels lighter than she has in days.

Eventually, Alec clears his throat slightly, breaking the silence to ask, "Are you going to say anything to Isabelle?"

"Oh," Clary says, startled out of the peaceful moment she'd found. "I don't... think so? I don't know what I'll do. Nothing, I guess. At least right now."

"You should talk to the vampire at least," Alec says, then rolls his eyes at her expression and adds, "fine, _Simon_. He's your best friend, right? You should talk to him."

"Yeah," Clary agrees, the prospect of such a conversation suddenly seeming less daunting than it had a hour ago. "Maybe I'll do that."

"Not uh, not that you can't talk to me," Alec stutters out, rubbing self-consciously at the back of his neck. "I mean, obviously you're already talking to me. But uh, you can talk to me again, about uh. About this. If you need to."

"Thanks," Clary says, reaching out and grasping his hand, before letting it fall again almost immediately. She doesn't want to push her luck, after all. "Really Alec, thank you."

Alec makes a vague hand gesture as if to say, "Whatever, it's nothing." But Clary thinks they both know that it's more than that. Something has changed between them, now that they have this.

 _Safety in numbers_ , Clary thinks (perhaps a little hysterically) as she walks back to her own room a little while later.

As she lays in bed that night, she thinks of Isabelle - her smile, her hair, the high-cut slit in the skirt she'd been wearing that day. Her stomach flips.

She rolls over and grabs her phone from her nightstand, typing out a quick text.

 _I think I'm in love,_ she tells Alec, heart in her throat.

She throws the phone onto the bed almost immediately after, not really even expecting a reply. She thinks of Isabelle again - hasn't stopped really - and wonders if she's already asleep, or if she's awake and staring at the ceiling, lost in thought just as Clary is.

A chirp from Clary's phone jolts her back to the present. She laughs out loud when she reads the message.

_Just don't break my sister's nose, please._

Clary throws the phone aside once more, but this time when she lays back down to stare up at the ceiling, she's smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> please come share more sapphic!Clary headcanons with me on [tumblr](https://ithilien-writes.tumblr.com/)!


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